Effective Immediately All Of Snake Island Will Be 100% Open To The Public

By: Phil Siemens & Rachel Siemens

Effective immediately all of Snake Island will be 100% open to the public. Additionally, we are ending the country-wide tall sock mandate.

One year ago we were forced to shut down Brazil’s favorite vacation spot, Snake Island. A tropical utopia filled with over 400+ exotic species of snakes. Unfortunately, due to the viral Tik-Tok “kiss a snake challenge” the government of Brazil was forced to close off the island to the outside world, causing countless beach-side bars and small-island souvenir shops to close. Thus ending our citizen's ability to enjoy bottomless mimosas.

Today, it is with great pleasure that we announce that hospitalizations are the lowest they have been in four months. Additionally, the number of deaths due to snake bites is the lowest since November and is less than half of what it was just a month ago. This positive downward trend indicates that, although many individuals are still kissing snakes, far more Brazilians are recovering from snake bites than getting bit.

Will snakes suddenly stop biting people on snake island? Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary we, the Brazilian government believe that in all actuality, it remains to be seen, which is good enough for us. It is far…